Friday, May 21, 2010
notes from growing up
I spent another day alone, aside from strangers I navigate past at the pool and my dog who is forever infesting my life with soul searching glances. The guilt is unimaginable and I don’t know what it’s about. Perhaps the girl we have had staying in my front room for some months left a lasting impression on my dog and he notes her absence more than I.
I read an article today about the process of transition into a new place and how desolate it’s possible to feel. Feeling down and unable to make an effort and go out and push it beyond your comfort levels in order to be rewarded with something, anything that’s different to what you could have contributed to the situation just as one, down person. I think I understand that this is a new phase in my life and if I only embrace it with all its horned edges I stand to benefit a great deal from the change. Still, stuck in a city without human interaction, surrounded by people is very difficult, even armed with virulent optimism.
Just when I had lost all faith in humanity I took my dog for a walk before work. I passed three men hauling small things out of a dumpster. I walked by saying a brief hello. One man called out to me “Miss would you like a present?” he gave me charms in an unopened packet, the kind you use at parties to identify which drink is your own. The irony was not lost on me but it was a sweet gesture. Just as when he told me I had some bark in my hair and gently picked it out for me. I went to walk away and another bloke asked me if I painted. I came away with five oils including the primary colours. Perhaps the world isn’t such a barmy inhumane domain after all.